I Heart You

Harder, Faster, Forever, After.

Navigations

: Press this BOX to navigate. First Box for Ze Girl. Second for her scandals. Third for her notes. Fourth for her others.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

has she been lost? 2:34 AM

le manila | 7:43 in the evening
under the graves of the inferno

"...don't you wanna come with me. Don't you wanna feel my bones on your bones. It's only natural"

I woke up at a distinct hour of eleven in the morning hoping to get some work done. Unfortunately my tiresome body has yet to find the capacity to let its finger working and my mind to get itself off the gutter of laziness. No school today. I was kind of hoping to go to school not because I'm freaking delighted to seat and be sleepy but I really don't want to cram and fill lotsa missed classes. I don't want another pressure build up to happen.

Since no classes for four days I decided to go loose and let my nails be rebels. I went black:D Haha. I'm enjoying this simple act of typing my rants away while looking at the glistening velvet black that is my nails.Haha.

Wohooo. The Killers is making my day.

on nano: bones by the killers

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

hedonist 5:47 AM

le manila | 9:48 in the evening

living in a painful world

"...lonely in gorgeous tears..."

We always try to make sense of all the things that life throws at us. Some I find amusing. Some I rather not talk about but there are those that you can't just pass by.

Some of us can get by life even without trying. There are those who'll always deal with pedestals so much easier than others. They don't have to role play their way towards acceptance nor do they have to feel the need to start pretending which I might add is not a good thing. It took me a long time to write this entry not because I don't want to but I simply don't understand the situation that we are in. I know the issue, those involved, and all sorts of thrown reactions that were mentioned along the way. I know how everyone feels and I feel the same sentiment yet what I failed to understand is the how-to part on how I should deal with it. I'll sound like a psycho plastic if I pull on you the line: I'll be here...when you need me, because I know that I'm never gonna be there forever--or at least at times. I don't want to make promises that I can't keep. Empty promises are way painful than that created out of pure conscience. I believe that. I don't know how I should act towards you, but if you ever stumble in my blog and read this entry I want you to know that I'm going to start trying to make it easier for you to get out of that shit hole. Shit holes are never good, don't you think? Nobody wants to get stuck in there forever.

Last note, don't wish to be someone else. I know so. It's hard. Be yourself. Improve whatever shortcomings you have. Do everything just don't pretend.

"...I don't undestand. But I'll let life work its wonders"

"It's the ashes that makes life beautiful"

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

of polka haven 4:30 AM

le manila

9:00 in the evening

caught between physics mayhem and emotional whirlwinds

We often feel the need to stop, breathe, and just make sense of all the things we've done but we don't have that liberty. You'll never have that liberty unless you're freed from that certain zone of inconstancy which might ever happen. Our english teacher persuaded us to reveal unhappiness that we have as of now. Some of us mentioned love life, studies, etc. That lesson made me rethink(that is if such word exist) the unhappiness I've encountered that I never even tried to feel to begin with. Sounds weird? She asked us what makes it so hard to reveal our pains to other people. I was so close to raising my hand and answering but a sweat of fear and inconsistent aroma bugged me to remain seated and not get up at all. Since I never got the chance to answer, my blog would probably be the best medium of outlet. I never reveal pain to others because it shows how pathetic I am. Concerning myself with things that other people just pass. I'm a self confessed paranoid bitch. It can either be good, bad or somewhere caught between. Bottom line: pain is not something you widely display. You keep it then deal with it.

Commitments had always been a big part of my life. Its what gives me the confidence that I don't usually get by simply being me. I know, simply being yourself is the way to be yada...yada...yada. There's nothing wrong with extra loads but what I find very difficult to bare are the added baggage which I never really intend on having but is already part of the package.(btw, loads and baggage= big difference) The green-eyed monster visits me every day. It knocks, bangs, then harasses my doorway. I never got the right strategy to face it. Should I empower or accept? I use to nag you, my lovely readers about stress, planner overload and all those crappy shit but right now I don't give a damn about that. I use to care about my relationship with others, thinking of ways on how to please them and changing to the extremes in order for things to flow smoothly. In the end it was always regret. The big R. REGRET. I'll leave this not-so-worthy reflection on a pedestal. Let life work its magic. No periods just...

Need to get back to physics. Urgh. My head rattles. I feel like a physics slut. Harhar.

Labels: polka dots

Thursday, November 02, 2006

glossy pages of vogue 4:03 AM

le manila

under the cloak of the metropolis

I feel beautiful today so I will write.

Who would've thought that the golossy pages of Vogue would be the one to end my miseries. It has helped me get out of that pity-me phase and shooed my insecurities out of the box. I've deleted so many entries before this one because of a fervent belief that it is not good enough to ever be published--even if this is only a blog which was not made for mass seeing intervention. Anyway, the sole reason why I decided to resurrect my blog accounts was for the simple pleasure of ranting or should I say venting out beautified frustrations. I got stucked with a so called photo-obsession which mainly consist of my cameo, windows moviemaker and deviantart. Although my picturesque captions and photos are in no where near the standards of the great Tim Walker who made Gemma Ward in the Vogue Feb '06 issue a dazzling display of red lipstick mayhem, I can assure you that it's not i-wanna-vomit material type of spread. If you have time, come and check it out.

For the past few days I've been enclosed in this certain zone of obscure hatred for my past works. I was meticolously organizing my twiggy files when my laptop suddenly went wayward and opened one of my ancient folders which actually consist of my original literary works. I clicked the open button thinking that "...no harm done. Try to see if you've actually improved..." I opened one file that basically speaks of angsty death poem written for a special friend who I might add is a girl, then after a good thirty seconds of browsing---there it was like a big post-it of undisputed disappointment, "shit...sinulat ko ba talaga ito?" It wa full of cliches and errors that at first sight would make your face cringe of how badly it was written. This is what CW-J does to a person. It made me see errors at first browse. Seeing that I'm off to a good start before third quarter kicks off on monday err-uhmm next monday since I'll be gone for iisdc. Oh yeah. Another stressful topic to discuss. In all honesty I'm not ready to compete again. It's exciting now because of the glitz the parties and the people you'll meet provide but when you're there on the podium or classroom fighting to survive, convincing you're platonic adj that you are better than the contender[which is always false] then surviving the humiliation if you don't break after three days of bleeding and sweating. Imagine the hardship. Imagine the pain. And imagine the many opportunity for vanity sessions. Whopee. A big smile for that event. Wait for the picas that I'll upload soon and the corresponding events.

I miss mooch and iv1. Harhar.