i cannot begin to fathom how my life is doing right now nor can I write a decent entry, full with wicked humor that had already been my trademark. everyone hates me right now. i feel as if they don't want me to exist at all. walls have ears. I can hear them whispering 'stay put and don't exist'. i can hear them talking as if I'm not there. home now doesn't feel like home; there are even times when silent tears just won't go away. they keep on flowing and being the 'stereotypical' me I refuse to let anyone hear. good thing i have a blog; a place where i can just flush out my frustrations. a palce of haven.

people want you to stay the same and never change. they all want to see you prim and proper; without the flashy underwear, long nails and everything that goes with the traditional package of a good girl gone wild. it's so hard to satify them; I try to please them with every inch of self respect in my body but at the end of the day it's me who suffers. it's me who cries.

there are those 'sometimes' when they keep on telling me "your not good enough", "ano ba yan!?", and so many more words that drives you to doubt every inch of your capablity to actually live.

nobody can tell when the fault line ends and I''ll begin again another whirlwind of self doubt but for now the tears had stopped and the self doubting had to be put off for another time. I feel better now. Afterall, you can't keep settling on the past, you have to move on. it's not an easy thing to do but you have to.

I feel better now [after writing a few words and helping my niece take her bath], but still, a wave of dark cloud haunts me and all I can do is beg the heavens to help me keep on living.

black glasses and the not-so-ready louise

sepia<3

this is the effect of sore butts and upgraded coffee. i suggest that the next time you try a 14 hour trip NEVER ever make stop overs at gasoline-slash-coffee stations in SLEX.

i had spent the first and second week of the better half of my summer [which is may] outside the un-adulterated confines of the streets in katipunan. it was hectic at first since i'm not used to travelling at such far distance [all i've ever known are the five minute hops inside the car and a minute of travel time to get to stc]. waking up at six thirty in the morning and arriving home at exactly past "hapon" is a big leap from my usual laid-back routine. an irony it was that i get to leave home at 'dawn break' and arrive home nine hours later at 'sun down'. such a pretty sight.*sigh*. katipunan is a palce to behold. i've tried walking in taft [the infamous home of la salle] and it wasn't a pretty experience coz all you'll ever hear are the honking jeeps passing to ruin your favorite pair of jeans.

i mentioned in my previous entry that my circle of friends expanded from one to fifteen! thanks to the ever-handy tips from ikai. most of them are from angelicum hs; the thing that attracted me to them was the 'totoo' factor that they always bring inside the room. my lunch break is often with mon and mea at mcdonald[the branch in katipunan is uber! they even have those leather type seats! wala nun sa retiro!]haha. only two weeks to go then i'm home free! no more six thirty wake up calls, deprived breakfast, sun down arrivals, and tacky walks inside the ateneo campus; but of course if there was one thing that i will miss most with the whole review experience was the privilleged walks i do every afternoon along the long stretch of katipunan area while being engrossed with the many food chains that you'd never see in retiro.

summer '06<3!

<3.haha.

* it's four in the morning and my eyes are kinda dropy so i'll post the other pics tomorrow.<3